THE END.

It's crazy to think that this is my last blog post. It's been a whirlwind of a semester, but I have honestly had one of the best experiences of my life. I have learned so much from the journey I have gone through. I have learned about the process of healing, the mental toll an injury can take, and how to overcome it all. I have learned who I am, who I want to be, and what I am capable of. It may sound silly to say I have learned this all from a 16-week school project, but it is the honest truth. I have made so much progress in getting back to the sport I love, building my strength back up, and learning how to move forward as I head into college life.
I want to thank all of those who have been by my side through it all. You guys have been beyond amazing and your support throughout this journey will not be forgotten.

Senior year is almost over, but it is only the end of the beginning.
I will end this post with a quote that has kept me going through it all:

"When you stumble, make it part of the dance."

In class reflection

Final WISE class.... What!?!? Well don't know where the time went. Mr. Reiff gave us one more journal prompt..what would you recommend to another WISE student? What advice, knowledge, and insight would you give them?

The first thing that I would recommend to WISE students is to find a project that you are passionate about or genuinely interested in. If you choose a project "cause it sounded cool" then chances are you are going to get bored of it and find it really hard to get the motivation to keep going. I love dance and this project means something to me which is why it is not torture for me to do it. If you don't love your project, you won't do it. I would also tell them that the first half of the year is hard. It's a lot of work, a whole year of a typical English class in a single semester. Don't take WISE because you want to get out of a normal English class because, sorry, there is no way to escape it. Also, do not take WISE if you think it is an easy way to get your English credit. Second semester is even harder than the first, even kids in AP Lit and Lang comment on how much work we have!

But I would also tell those future WISE students that this class is the single best course I have ever taken at IHS. Yes there is a lot of commitment and time that you have to put into it, but you get just as much if not more out of it. You get to learn so much about yourself, interact with people you would normally not, and look at things in a completely new perspective. It may sound cheesy when I say that, but it is 100% true. My senior year would have been completely different if it weren't for this class and this project. WISE is a challenging class, but the most rewarding.

The weekend is over already!?

Nothing is worse than being sick over a long weekend. I stayed in bed and slept most of the weekend and still wish I was there. I slacked off and didn't blog much this past week so I have some making up to do. 

I was in the studio Wednesday and my dance was looking really really good. It

felt good and I was confident and was 100% ready to show it to my dance team on Thursday. But then Thursday came and it did not go the way I expected. I showed them my dance and they seemed uninterested. They kept

making jokes and then pointing out that I wasn't there all year so I don't understand them. Watching all of the dances I should have been in this year wasn't easy either. I ended up calling my

Mom to come get me early and barely made it into the car before the I broke down. I didn't realize how much I missed it or how much I missed being a part of the team. There was a second where I almost told my mom I didn't want to do the recital. I will still perform in the recital because I have worked so hard for it, but I don't think I will go in on Thursdays again.. It's just to much to handle with everything else going on. 

Unexpected complications

On the day of my presentation (WED JUNE 12 3pm) I wanted to give my

presentation in Kulp Auditorium so that I could actually perform my dance. Apparently this is easier said than done. After getting into some trouble with the security guards, miscommunication and what not, I still haven't secured the location. If I can not use this space I can just show a video of my dance, but I really want to be able to do it live. There is something different about seeing it in person and seeing a video. I'll give updates as they come!

Had a mentor meeting with Ms. A today and it went really well. We set a final list of the order I am going to give my presentation as well as some ideas for the powerpoint that I am going to use as a guide during my 30 minute presentation. Feels good having a basic outline finalized so that I have somewhere to go next!


Going to start the powerpoint and other final materials tonight! Let the writing workshop begin!

Pumped Up Already!

So I'm not sure why, if there is some scientific explanation for it or just a superstition, but I HAVE to have a playlist for before I perform. It has to be fun, upbeat, pump me up kind of songs. They have to get me psyched to get out on that stage. There can be no sad songs and absolutely no music that is related to the dance that I am doing. I need to

Listen to music that is completely different than what I am dancing to. If I listen to the songs I am dancing too I freak myself out and think that I don't remember the dance and put myself in an unnecessary frenzy. with that said,.. This playlist is almost as important as the dance and choreography and needs to be worked on over a couple weeks to make sure it is PERFECT. This is the first list made.. And I know for a fact that there will be additions and cuts as we get closer to recital! :) 

Sunday Research..aka YouTube Marathon!

Hey there.

So it has been a pretty lazy Sunday. I am feeling  a little under the weather, I think my body just need a day of rest, so I thought today would be a good day for some YouTube videos/dance inspiration.
One of the questions that I asked both Rosalie Amaroso and Mia Wise during my interviews was whether they liked solo or group dances more. They both said they they did not like one better than the other, they were just completely different. I was thinking about that as I was watching videos on YouTube and found these two dances. Both are danced to the song To Build a Home.  One is a large group dance and the other is a duet. It is interesting to see the different feel and dynamics of a dance just by changing the numbers of dancers. A lot of choreographing is molded around how many dancers need to fit on a stage and how the number of dancers will look in a space. The different can be very drastic, which I feel is clearly shown in the different between these two dances! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yjdxt2DsVs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFle_pyBv4Q

Getting Dizzy Yet?

Had a mentor meeting today with Ms. A. We had to reschedule from our normal Wednesday meeting because I had a German Ap (not fun let me tell ya!) But we got back at it today and I think we had a really good meeting. We talked about the minor break down that I had the other day and figured out maybe why it happened and how I feel better now.. Moral of the story being that it is okay it cry! We also filled out a sheet that is a check in about the progress I have made with my blog and research and all of that. I think I have been doing a pretty good job and Ms. A is on the same page as me. Love when that happens!

One of the big things that I have been working on with recital coming up is technique, especially turns. Having to turn on my non-dominant leg has definitely been a challenge and I have been trying to find some tips and tricks to help me. I found this video on YouTube and I think it has some good exercises that I can try. I think that the quarter turns and the exercise at the bar are going to be really the most helpful. They are simple but I can see how they will be helpful because they break down the bigger skill into smaller and more controllable parts! I am back in the studio Monday and will definitely be trying them! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_H15mY7ZXw&safety_mode=true&persist_safety_mode=1&safe=active


ALSO!

The Ithaca Academy of Dance Recital is SATURDAY,  JUNE 8, 7 pm @ The State Theater!
I will be performing my solo and I would love to see some familiar faces in the audience! Tickets on sale soon!

It's okay to cry.

So there may or may not have been a total break down today. Between the stress of APs, the end of the 5 week, being absent for two days, work, dance, WISE, and lack of sleep, I was 100% completely and utterly overwhelmed. It was not pretty. There was tears and hyperventilation and feeling like I was going to rip my hair out. Definitely not good. But while I still don't feel like anything was resolved and I still have too much on my plate, I think that just crying made my body feel physically better. It released some of the tension that I have just been building up and has been waiting to be gotten rid of. I've learned over the whole process of this journey, that sometimes crying and being in that depressed state is EXACTLY what you need. It can take so much effort and energy to be happy and feeling okay, that it is sometimes best just to let yourself have a bad day. I have definitely had my share of them. I think that by letting myself have those days where you never leave bed or curl up and feel miserable, you get it out of your system and can move on and try to focus on getting better the next day. It's definitely okay to cry.

This song is the one that I listen to on repeat, and by repeat I mean for like 4 hours at a time, when I am having one of those days. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StFfXP4eAgU

The Annual Report!

Before I forget again here is the link to the CMC Annual Report. If you scroll down to page 13 you will find the article of my story and journey through this whole ordeal. I think it is pretty cool..even though my face is now all over medical offices... totally weird. If my picture ends up on a TCAT bus I am moving!

http://www.cayugamed.net/docs/CMC%202012%20Annual%20Report.pdf

Nerves are starting to kick in

So I was in the studio yesterday working on my piece and I realized that I only have a month until recital. One month. Five rehearsals. 5 hours. Let the freak out begin. I really feel like my dance is coming together well and I am starting to get way more confident with the technique and movements that are essential to this dance, but I still do not feel performance ready. Usually with this amount of time left I am feeling 100% confident and ready to get on the stage and perform already. This time is completely different. I still haven't performed this dance for anyone other than me and Rosalie.. and I think that is part of the reason I feel so unready. I have not had any other dancers see this dance, mostly because I want it to be somewhat of a surprise at recital and dress rehearsal when they see me do it for the first time. But I think I am going to have to do it in front of a couple girls on my team in order to get the reassurance that I am used to getting before a recital and before I debut a dance.  Rosalie says that I should start coming in twice a week instead of just once when we get about two weeks out from the recital. This makes me feel way better because it will give me more time to work on the dance and because the second night I will be going to the studio is Thursday's when the team girls practice. This will let me run it by them before the day of recital comes! I am already starting to get the pre-performance anxiety and and jitters.. and it isn't even June! AHHHHH!

Helpful Tips from Mrs. A!

Had another mentor meeting with Mrs. Augustine today and I think it went well! I

got to show her a copy of my solo from last year, which is drastically different from the piece I am performing this year! It was cool to be able to show her how much my style of dance really has had to change because of this surgery and my limitations. We also talked about the format of my final presentation (Wednesday June 12). We decided that it would be a good idea to explain my journey and my experience first and then show my slideshow to put everything in context. We also think that it would be more powerful to actually perform my new solo rather than show a video of it! I think that telling my story, especially the parts that haven't been easy and all the struggles, is going to be difficult. It won't be easy to get up there and expose myself in that way, but I think that once I get up there and have some key events that I know I want to talk about I should be okay. I like that Mrs. Augustine and I are starting to talk about this a month in advance so I don't feel totally unprepared when it is time to present! 

Back to the studio tonight! 

Weekly Class Meeting!

Checking in after our weekly class meeting today! I think it was a good class. We all had to bring in an "artifact" from our project. It was really cool to see what other people have been working on. I have gotten so wrapped up in my own project that it was awesome to be able to step back and look at everyone else's hard work. I brought in a copy of the annual report and shared my article. It was kinda weird to show the pictures of myself and explain that I have basically had my own photographer and journalist following me around. I think some people might have gotten annoyed with me for it, thinking that I was bragging. Really that was not my intention and I hope that some people realized it and thought it was at least a little interesting.

Also, today I was in the studio with Maddy (the little girl I talked about yesterday) and it was a lot of fun. She is super adorable and has a fun, yet hardworking personality that makes her fun to coach. We worked on ariels (no handed cartwheel) and back-handsprings. She has been having trouble with them, but she has been able to do the skill before. I TOTALLY get why she is frustrated with not being able to do them anymore. Nothing is worse than coming in one day and being able to do a skill no problem and then coming in the next and you just cant do it anymore. It sucks big time. After working with her, I realized what her problems were and we have a plan on how to get her back to being able to do these skills. It was hard to be back in the studio and see her tumbling without being able to get up there myself. I was the "acro girl" of the studio. It was what I stood out for and it was hard not to be able to get up there and do it with her. But I love that I get to work with her because it gives me another reason to get back into the studio.

Another week down

Hey again!

So this weekend has been filled with warm weather and work. I feel like I have been inside more than outside between my normal Saturday shift and then two extra birthday parties that I worked today. It wasn't a hard job, just not what I wanted to be doing when it is 80 out.
This week is going to be CRAZY. Between school, work, APs, prom, Mother's Day, and one of my best friends coming home from college I don't think I will be getting much sleep.. should be interesting!

Tomorrow after school I am going to my studio to have a private lesson with one of the younger girls that I danced with. She is competing an acro solo this year (the same kind I have always competed) and wants to learn more skills. Her mom asked me if I would be willing to help her get some new skills because she is bored with the ones that she has and is too scared to try new ones in class. Her mom, who I adore, says that it was different when I was there because she had someone to look up to that had more advanced skills to push her. It was nice to know that one of the younger dancers looks up to me and wants me to still be apart of the dance family even though I am not in the studio everyday. It will be a lot like my normal job where I have to rely more on my words and explaining things because I can't demonstrate anymore, but I hope that she will get some good use out of it!

Let the craziness begin!

Stress is over.. at least for this week!

Hi again.

This week has been super super super super (I could go on) stressful. I have had my AP German and AP Stats final and had been feeling totally unprepared for both. Not sure how they ended up going.. hopefully passing.. fingers crossed! But on top of that my ankle has been feeling a little sore and just not quite right. Nothing serious, just enough that I can feel it when I walk. Most of the time I don't even notice it, but this week it has been acting up. And it might sound weird but I think it might have something to do with the weather. It used to get all funky and weird in the cold so maybe it does the same thing when it gets warm? Who knows. I am definitely not complaining about the nice weather though!

I had a check up with Dr. Wilson Monday. He said that the bones are completely healed and that the soft tissue is mostly healed. It apparently can take up to a year before everything is completely "normal" and ready for full activity. He asked me a lot about what kind of activity I am doing and how much. He was glad to hear that I am still taking it pretty easy at dance and trying to stay mostly on my left when I am dancing. One thing that I thought was interesting was that he asked me how confident I was in the strength and ability in my right ankle. I never really thought about it until he asked, but I am really cautious about what I do and don't do on that ankle. Yes I know that I try to take it easy and do the littlest amount I can on it, but when he asked how confident I would be if he told me I could go full force on the bad ankle, I realized I am still unconfident and hesitant. Dr. Wilson said that was the right answer. While everything is technically healed, it is going to take up to another year before I lose that sense of being scared to try things on it again. He said that it will take time to realize what my permanent limitations are and how to work around them. This is one of those things that I didn't expect when I went into surgery. I thought that once I got the okay to start doing things again I would be ready to jump back in full force. In reality thought I am SO careful about what I let myself do and what I hold back on.

Mentor Meeting with Mrs. A got rescheduled until Friday, so look for updates then!

Updates!

Hey all!

So I had the presentation at CMC and I think it really well! I was SO nervous. I got the same pre-performance jitters that I used to get before going on stage to dance. It was terrifying and I thought I was going to pass out..not good! Once I got up there though I was pretty comfortable, mostly because my mom and Jackie were up there with me. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and even laughed (when they were supposed to) at some of the things that I said. One of the things that I think really helped me get through it was that I found my "friendly face" in the audience. The one person that smiled every time I looked at her and nodded with encouragement..not sure who she was but thank you!!!

Also the dance is coming together. I have been working a lot of the technique and retraining my body and muscle memory to do movements on my left side. It is very intense and really really frustrating most of the time. Turns that I never had a problem are now almost impossible and it is discouraging. I know that I will be able to do them when the time comes, but until then I'm not so sure what will happen!

Another busy week ahead!

Research Reflection Journal

One of the prompts that Mr. Rieff assigned this week during our weekly class meeting was to review our own research as well as a fellow WISE students research. I think the piece of information from my own research that I have found most interesting is how useful those YouTube videos have been. By watching these videos I have been able to see what I like and don't like in a dance and how I want to take ideas I see from other dancers and manipulate them to work with my own piece. The research that I have done on surgery and stage presence have been very helpful, but the YouTube videos have been the ultimate resource for me. I was looking at my friend Patrick's blog on personal health and fitness and he has found some good articles on weight loss and different types of dieting. I think his article on how different diets affect the body was very interesting. It gave a lot of information that I never thought of and I think that those surprising articles are fun finds along the way.

I think that doing research is the hardest part of this project. It is far more interesting for me to go dance or put together an iMovie than it is to read articles. I do realize that it is an extremely important part of the WISE journal, it just is not my favorite!

Public Speaking.. YIKES!

Tomorrow is the day that I have to go to the hospital to give a presentation of the review of the annual CMC magazine. The person in charge, his name is escaping me at the moment, contacted me and ask, because their main story of this annual review is on me, would I be willing to come in an present my story to a group of people made up of doctors, heads of departments at the hospital, as well as possible investors. It sounds like a great idea at the time.. but now that it is tomorrow and I have to find something to talk about in front of complete strangers.. I am slightly terrified. But at the same time I think this will be a good chance to practice for my end of the year presentation. Never a bad idea to have a dress rehearsal right?! In preparation for tomorrow I decided I would look up some tips on public speaking. The article gave a lot of good tips, but there are two that I think are going to be the most helpful. 1. For this presentation I am the expert. I am the one who knows my story better than anyone else (obviously) so there are no right or wrong answers. I have to remember that I am talking about my own experiences and that I should be totally confident telling the good and the bad parts of it. No one is going to judge me for not knowing the medical terms or giving "false" information.. I AM THE EXPERT HERE.  The second big piece of information that it gave me was to realize that everyone else in that room hates public speaking just as much as I do. They all know what it is like to have to get up in front of people and give presentation. They have all been in my shoes and know that it isn't easy, so they won't be as ready to judge. I also think it is important for me to remember that I am still in high school and these people are professionals who have much more experience than me!

I think I have this under control as long as a make myself an outline of what I want to cover!
Wish me luck!
http://lifehacker.com/161531/public-speaking-dos-and-donts
Abbie

PS. Booked the limo for prom today!!! Yes I did need to share that... I am a teenage girl after all!

Gotta Step It Up

This last week I have kind of been in a slump and I am not really sure why. I have been feeling sick physically and mentally and don't really have anything to blame it on, but I am trying to fight my way out of it. Being in class today I realized that I have been slacking lately when it comes to research and it is time to step it up! We got 2 journal assignments that we have to get done this week, but I will save those for another day, today I want to focus on research.

So I went back to my trusty old YouTube and found another amazing dancer that I had to share. She is a beautiful dancer and the choreography of this piece is fantastic. The music and costume are both very minimal but very very effective. I also like that this dancer didn't go over the top with hard, difficult dance moves. It is clear from her dancing that she is incredibly talented, but she hold back some of her more advanced skills and only does those that are fitting and appropriate for this dance. I know that it can be hard to do this. It is tempting to put all of your best and favorite skills in a dance and it takes control not to. This dancer has done a good job at being careful not to fall into this trap.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu6lNGswduE


I have a crazy busy week coming up AHH!

Today was a whirlwind. Tomorrow won't slow down and Wednesday I go to Cayuga Medical Center to give a presentation at their review of the annual magazine that has my story in it! I am slightly terrified, I HATE public speaking! But luckily my mom and my physical therapist Jackie will be there to help me through it! More details on that later!

SO COOL!

Hey guys!

So i FINALLY got to see the pictures from my surgery (I am impatient so this has been a painstaking wait for me). They are probably the coolest things that I have ever seen and some of the most mind boggling. It was weird for me to see them because even though I was awake for surgery I wasn't totally aware of everything they were doing. I realized just how crazy intense the surgery was and how much they actually had to handle my ankle in order to fix it. Now I know why my scars are so impressive... they did some pretty serious work in there! It was especially weird for me to see one of the pictures. I won't post it because it is pretty gory and intense, but it showed my ankle wide open and with the big hole in it. I had NO idea that the hole was that big.. it totally makes sense now why it hurt so much. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around it! I just keep starring at it!

I also got to see the rest of the pictures that Dede Hatch has taken and it is really cool to see the progression from surgery to the studio that I have faced. For me it is hard to see changes because I experience them on a daily basis and they all kind of blend together. But when you look at the pictures that are taken months apart,  it is clear the progress I have made. It is reassuring to see these. I have had some great days, and I have had some bad days. Seeing these pictures makes me realize that even though I had setbacks and bad days where I just wanted it to all be over, I have overcome something that I didn't think I could.. and I think that is pretty awesome.


Mentor meeting with Mrs. Augustine tomorrow.. I can't wait!

Weekly Class Meeting- Audio of the Day

Back to school yet again. I don't know about you but I am definitely counting down the days until summer (39 days left of school in case you are wondering!)

Today in WISE we listened to a podcast.

Brian Grazer says there is a connection between success and disruption. In order to learn you have to step out of your comfort zone. You need to be able to
find people and things that will force you to look at things in a new way and challenge you to things you could never imagine yourself doing. You have to learn how to be told no and learn to accept the best way to grow is to be pushed past all levels you have faced before. There will be more failures than successes in the process but it is those failures and setbacks that you face that make the journey a success.

One way that I have been "disrupted" and have had the boundaries of my comfort zone pushed is in my dancing. I had gotten so comfortable being a right side dominant dancer. Every skill was always with my right leg because that is what I was good at. With this injury I have had to step out of my comfort zone and learn how to be a left sided dancer. It is unnatural for me to do skills with my left foot but I have no choice. I have to learn to do it anyway. Another way I have been disrupted is by having to change my genre of dance. I was an acrobatic dancing and that is where I know I can win and be great. Being a solo lyrical dancer like I have become is totally out of confidence level and I can honestly say tht I am terrified of dancing on stage again, but it is this challenge that will make
Me a better performer.

Two people I could meet and talk to this month is Mia Wise and possibly Michele Smithers. Both are wonderful choreographers and dancers and I think they can give me great information. Two
people that I would love to meet, two "dream" people, are Mia Michaels and Alvin Ally. Both are PHENOMENAL choreographers and are great inspiration for dancers everywhere. I would give anything to have a conversation with these two!